The Feed Ramp, Satirical Firearms News!

The Feed Ramp is a recently published blog that is essentially trying to replicate The Onion or The Duffel Blog when it comes to the firearms industry. The blog is a light-hearted attempt at poking fun at everything from IDPA, the ATF, to even Pat Macnamara! Some of the titles of the recent posts are “IDPA Patch Propels Man to Championship”, “After Stage Win, Local Shooter Becomes Shooting Instructor”, “Internet Shooter Plays Stupid Games, Wins No Prizes”.

At TFB we usually have several April Fools posts, in addition to some on TFB TV as well. For the most part, I think this industry keeps it together, but at times it is necessary to take a back seat and just laugh at some of the trends that we see happening and are experienced all over. Such as the “After Stage Win, Local Shooter Becomes Shooting Instructor”. Although funny at face value, there is some legitimate truth in a large number of very unsafe or unexperienced shooters becoming Youtube or otherwise famous, then wanting to emulate much more successful instructors in trying to become ones themselves.

I’m posting an example of the most recent blog post to highlight the style in which the blog is satirizing the industry when it comes to placing product placement on jerseys.

Mesa, Arizona – Harley Wonderwall has rocked the shooting industry with his invention of  a wearable LED shooting jersey for shilling random products.

After running out of space on the jerseys, the Rooty Products Team was forced to  wear sandwich boards between stages.  “Sandwich boards allow us to represent more companies than a traditional shooting blouse.  It’s all about brand recognition”, said the Rooty rep.

“When you see someone twirling a sign at an intersection you know it’s little Caesar’s.  I want our fans to automatically think of Rooty Products every time they see one of our shooters,” said the Rooty rep.  “Team captain, Kelvin Bluntry, was making us lug those sandwich boards around a blistering hot range.  That was really affecting my ability to place well in B class.  So I came up with the LED Jersey, PATENT PENDING!” he declared proudly.

At only 9 lbs 8 oz the unit is fairly light weight but restricts movement depending on placement.

Wonderwall went on to say that “at the end of the day, you want to shill for as many companies as you can.  It’s really worth the sacrifice when all those 3% discounts start rolling in”

All is not rainbows just yet. He is still having issues with the battery pack at this time, which is based on lead acid technology similar to a car battery.  Batteries based on lithium are too “dangerous” to wear around people running and shooting handguns, he said.

Other electrical problems still exist, too.  When caught in a rain shower once, he received quite a nasty jolt but was successfully resuscitated by first responders.

Wonderwall has contracted with an Android developer to create a  Bluetooth app to control the shilling unit via phone.  He told TFR ” lugging my desktop PCto every match was really getting old.   On a couple stages, 50’ of usb cable just wasn’t long enough.  I had to have Cletus move the PC with me as I went down range.”

Working closely with Bluntry, Wonderwall hinted of “Phase 2”

They would like to start implementing range carts with LED billboards for the shooters to tow around. The idea of UFC style banners to be held up during load and make ready and unload and show clear is also on the verge of becoming a reality.

When asked about shilling the logos of direct competitors on his shirt: “well I’m not actually sponsored by either, so it’s not a conflict of interest.  I am just looking to support the companies that support the sport.”



Miles

Infantry Marine, based in the Midwest. Specifically interested in small arms history, development, and usage within the MENA region and Central Asia. To that end, I run Silah Report, a website dedicated to analyzing small arms history and news out of MENA and Central Asia. You can also follow us on Twitter- @Silah_Report

Please feel free to get in touch with me about something I can add to a post, an error I’ve made, or if you just want to talk guns. I can be reached at miles@tfb.tv


Advertisement

  • Don Ward

    Nice trigger discipline there chimpanzee.

    NOT!

  • noob

    that’s… actually plausible.

  • USMC03Vet

    Breaking: expensive triggers make better shooters

    • Button Gwinnett

      RMGO stickers are a direct substitute for diet, exercise, and education.

  • Button Gwinnett

    “Take important notes, in the rain…” Perfect!

  • .45

    I never thought carrying around zip ties to detain a bad guy. Figured I wouldn’t want to get that close to someone who probably outweighs me and will do anything to keep from going back to jail.

    However, if I want to compete in this new division, I might reconsider. Maybe I should also include duct tape and chloroform too, just in case. Yeah, that’s it. Can’t believe wait to show the cops how prepared I am the next time they pull me over…

  • .45

    I like the one about the guy contacting the ATF to ask about a new trigger and gets a bunch of stuff he and his wife own classified as machine guns.

  • Joe Schmo

    I found their article making fun of TRex Arms to be one of the best piece of “fake news” ever put out, it was perfect. They may replace CNN as the best fake news outlet ever.

  • Jeff

    In before one of the major media outlets quotes that site in a story. ’cause you know it’s just a matter of time.

  • Sidewinder

    Whats the old cliche’? Those who can’t, teach.
    Now reads: Those who cant, BLOG.
    I think it is funny they were unmasked and banned.

    • Scott Thompson

      Who was unmasked and where were they banned from?