The Feed Ramp, Satirical Firearms News!

    The Feed Ramp is a recently published blog that is essentially trying to replicate The Onion or The Duffel Blog when it comes to the firearms industry. The blog is a light-hearted attempt at poking fun at everything from IDPA, the ATF, to even Pat Macnamara! Some of the titles of the recent posts are “IDPA Patch Propels Man to Championship”, “After Stage Win, Local Shooter Becomes Shooting Instructor”, “Internet Shooter Plays Stupid Games, Wins No Prizes”.

    At TFB we usually have several April Fools posts, in addition to some on TFB TV as well. For the most part, I think this industry keeps it together, but at times it is necessary to take a back seat and just laugh at some of the trends that we see happening and are experienced all over. Such as the “After Stage Win, Local Shooter Becomes Shooting Instructor”. Although funny at face value, there is some legitimate truth in a large number of very unsafe or unexperienced shooters becoming Youtube or otherwise famous, then wanting to emulate much more successful instructors in trying to become ones themselves.

    I’m posting an example of the most recent blog post to highlight the style in which the blog is satirizing the industry when it comes to placing product placement on jerseys.

    Mesa, Arizona – Harley Wonderwall has rocked the shooting industry with his invention of  a wearable LED shooting jersey for shilling random products.

    After running out of space on the jerseys, the Rooty Products Team was forced to  wear sandwich boards between stages.  “Sandwich boards allow us to represent more companies than a traditional shooting blouse.  It’s all about brand recognition”, said the Rooty rep.

    “When you see someone twirling a sign at an intersection you know it’s little Caesar’s.  I want our fans to automatically think of Rooty Products every time they see one of our shooters,” said the Rooty rep.  “Team captain, Kelvin Bluntry, was making us lug those sandwich boards around a blistering hot range.  That was really affecting my ability to place well in B class.  So I came up with the LED Jersey, PATENT PENDING!” he declared proudly.

    At only 9 lbs 8 oz the unit is fairly light weight but restricts movement depending on placement.

    Wonderwall went on to say that “at the end of the day, you want to shill for as many companies as you can.  It’s really worth the sacrifice when all those 3% discounts start rolling in”

    All is not rainbows just yet. He is still having issues with the battery pack at this time, which is based on lead acid technology similar to a car battery.  Batteries based on lithium are too “dangerous” to wear around people running and shooting handguns, he said.

    Other electrical problems still exist, too.  When caught in a rain shower once, he received quite a nasty jolt but was successfully resuscitated by first responders.

    Wonderwall has contracted with an Android developer to create a  Bluetooth app to control the shilling unit via phone.  He told TFR ” lugging my desktop PCto every match was really getting old.   On a couple stages, 50’ of usb cable just wasn’t long enough.  I had to have Cletus move the PC with me as I went down range.”

    Working closely with Bluntry, Wonderwall hinted of “Phase 2”

    They would like to start implementing range carts with LED billboards for the shooters to tow around. The idea of UFC style banners to be held up during load and make ready and unload and show clear is also on the verge of becoming a reality.

    When asked about shilling the logos of direct competitors on his shirt: “well I’m not actually sponsored by either, so it’s not a conflict of interest.  I am just looking to support the companies that support the sport.”

    Miles

    Infantry Marine, based in the Midwest. Specifically interested in small arms history, development, and usage within the MENA region and Central Asia. To that end, I run Silah Report, a website dedicated to analyzing small arms history and news out of MENA and Central Asia.

    Please feel free to get in touch with me about something I can add to a post, an error I’ve made, or if you just want to talk guns. I can be reached at [email protected]


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