Christmas is a wonderful time of year where families get together when there isn’t a world pandemic and have a great time celebrating everything they have in life. It’s also the time of year where the big jolly fat man slides down the chimney and leaves gifts for all the children of the world. For many, Santa is a beacon of hope and reason to work harder at being a better person but to others, he may look differently.
At the end of the day, Santa really is an elderly gentleman with a large sack full of valuables who breaks into every home on the planet one night a year. Sure he has a great getaway vehicle if he runs into problems but there’s one big question that still remains unanswered. If Santa was the type to pack some heat, what would he choose as his main carry piece? Let’s jump into this and look at what would Santa carry.
The safe and reserved choice is a 9mm variant of the Glock pistols, whether it’s a Glock 19, 45, or 17. The Jolly Fat Man has his heavy red coat on all the time, so there’s not much to worry about when it comes to printing. I think it would be fairly easy to carry a full-size Glock 17 under the big man’s coat with no issues. Personally, I feel like the Glock is a great choice because you know it will fire no matter what happens to it. Whether it’s submerged in water or covered in milk and cookie crumbs, it’s sure to go bang every time.
He could carry OWB or IWB depending on what’s most comfortable delivering toys to all the children of the world. Having a double stack standard capacity handgun is the safe bet and would protect the big guy from most threats in the suburbs and inner-city areas. I may be wrong but this is my best bet and probably is the safest choice of all the handguns on this list.
Let’s face it, the Jolly Fat Man is an older guy, so there’s a fairly good chance he loves his old trusty 1911 to keep him safe. I could easily see Santa being all about MUH 1911 in 45 ACP because everyone knows there’s nothing better at stopping someone than a big 230gr slug. One benefit is the slimmer single stack profile, which some can argue will be comfortable over a long period of time. Having a larger round with a hotter self-defense round can be great for rural environments as well despite its lower capacity.
Carrying a 1911 in something like a leather outside the waistband holster can be extremely comfortable while having a full-size firearm to protect yourself with. If he is working all night and getting into tight spaces to deliver toys, it may be best to go with a smaller commander size 1911. The commander size handgun offers a great level of comfort while shooting but cuts a fair bit of length and weight off of the original gun. It would be easier to carry and conceal throughout the night of hard work. Who knows though, Santa is eccentric so he very well may have dual stainless government models with high gloss wood grips. I may be wrong, but I may be right.
Initially, a revolver sounds like a poor choice but starts to make a lot of sense when you look at what he would need it for during his travels. Having a revolver when traveling through restricted areas like California or Chicago, it’s really a smart move to keep compliant with local laws in those areas even though he will be breaking into every house in the country. There are a couple different ways to look at it when it comes to revolvers. There are the compact but powerful snub nose revolvers or the larger big-bore handguns that offer massive stopping power but a slower rate of fire. Large revolvers can be harder to control under rapid fire. Let’s examine some of the differences between the two types for concealed carry.
Smith & Wesson Airweight
Probably one of the easier guns to conceal carry on this list has to be the Airweight or AirLite line of revolvers. If the big guy was a bit lazy and didn’t feel like hauling around a full or mid-sized handgun, these small revolvers are a great alternative. Give the guy a break, he carries a massive sack around all night and fits into tight spaces. They are extremely easy to carry for long periods of time, but this convenience comes with a price. The biggest issue with these small revolvers is the lack of accuracy typically and how snappy they can be depending on the caliber you go with. The great thing about the little snub nose revolvers is the fact they can be concealed so easily but the accuracy is the biggest tradeoff for these little guys.
Larger Caliber Revolver
Santa covers a ton of ground on Christmas delivering gifts and spreading joy throughout the world. Having a large caliber firearm would definitely be a plus in the more rural areas where wolves and bears are a bigger concern than people. The Upper Peninsula of Michigan is a great example where the biggest threat in the entire area isn’t people but wolves and large animals that can sometimes become aggressive. Nothing would be more tragic than the big guy trying to deliver presents and getting mauled by a huge grizzly bear in Alaska. It’s not a good look and the red suit can only conceal his bleeding wound for so long. This all could have been avoided with a large caliber round right into the bear’s face.
These choices represent what people carry on a daily basis and it really does show how geography and environment can change your choice of handgun to carry concealed on a daily basis. Santa has a lot going for him but there are certain wild animals and bad guys out there that would gladly rip him off if possible so it’s an interesting concept to think about. Let’s be real here, he’s more likely to die of diabetes from the roughly 300 million cookies he eats rather than someone robbing him.
For me, I would have to go with a standard Gen5 Glock 17 for my carry choice. It’s the best option for me if I had to deliver gifts all night around the world. I know the Glock 17 would work when I needed it under any condition and that’s comforting for sure. Let me know what you would choose if you had to pick one gun in the comments below. If you have any questions about concealed carry or just have firearm related questions feel free to shoot me a message on Instagram @fridgeoperator. Stay safe out there, especially you, Santa.