FBI Agent Busts Moves and a Cap in Denver

James Reeves
by James Reeves

FBI agents have a reputation for being a little…stiff. Well, not Special Agent Swagdaddy McSpaghettilegs as seen in this video, who had a negligent discharge after some zesty dance moves dislodged his piece. (NOTE: right now, everything herein is “alleged” at the time of writing: See here for the full story: https://www.denverpost.com/2018/06/02/fbi-mile-high-spirits-shooting/)

Before we get to the gun-related discussion, let’s address the fly-ass elephant in the room – that footwork was absolutely sick. This was a scene straight out of a Coen brothers film. This never happens in real life. This guy got the dance floor to part like the Red Sea to his cavorting, gyrating Moses, and it was his time to shine. And shine he did. I personally guarantee you that half-to-all of the women in that crowd were getting ready to cuff this agent as soon as that exclamation point of a backflip landed and he figuratively served everyone in vicinity of the Mile High Spirits dance floor.

Ah, but the brightest lights fade the fastest. The very moment that Field Agent Funkyfeet perfectly completes his sequence and sends the crowd into an uproar – *boop*: His pistol drops out of his IWB holster mid-flip. Was this bad? Yes. Was it a big deal? Maybe. But it became instant sobriety for everyone in the room when Deputy Director Dirk Diggler hastily tried to retrieve his gun as if he grabbed it fast enough, no one would notice that a Glock literally fell out of his asscrack while he was setting the dance floor on fire. Then it became a problem – a negligent discharge. Oops.

(Note: I am assuming it’s an FBI-issued Glock 19M just because I am a Glock enthusiast and want to believe that it was.)

So, unfortunately, this guy who seems like a hell of a good time is going to get called in by his superiors on Monday. They will review this footage and try to keep a straight face when they watch it with him and explain his termination, suspension, and/or demotion.

They might explain to him that it could be a bad idea to bring a gun to a bar, even if you can. Note that FBI agents can carry a gun anytime, anywhere, as long as no alcohol consumption is involved. But if you do bring your service pistol to said bar, you need to not do backflips if you are carrying it inside the waistband. Classic rookie move right there. And if you must backflip while carrying a gun in a bar, make sure that you are using a holster that has retention that’s as positive as your attitude and tighter than your hustle. And even if you must backflip while carrying a gun in a bar and without a securely fastened holster with positive retention and your gun falls out of your pants, slowly, patiently retrieve your pistol so you can avoid shooting some poor schmuck in the leg. This is the golden rule of b-boy concealed carry. (Right, Adam S.?) Not only did you just emasculate that guy by absolutely mancrushing the floor to his face, but you deprived him of his ability of ever serving you back, and that’s a tragedy.

Be careful out there, you hotstepping hooligans.

Hat tip and a backflip to Luke (IG handle @lrm8811) for sending this bundle of joy to us.

James Reeves
James Reeves

Owner, Neutral Ground Gun Co. NRA/Louisiana State Police certified concealed weapons instructor, 2012-present Maxim Magazine's MAXIMum Warrior, 2011 TFBTV Executive Producer Champion, Key West Cinco De Mayo Taco Eating Competition Lawyer Instagram: gunshorts Twitter: @jjreeves

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  • Frankspeak Frankspeak on Jun 08, 2018

    glocks...glocks...glocks...what can I say?

  • Colonel K Colonel K on Jun 09, 2018

    So which holster manufacturer do you think will be the first to post a video showing how your pistol will remain secure even after completing a back-flip? Maybe that should be the new test standard.