A joyful, happy man, Santa Claus – or Father Christmas or Saint Nicholas or Sinterklaas – delivers gifts to good boys and girls throughout the world. After working for 364 days straight, he loads up his sleigh with packages and parcels containing everything from basketballs to jewelry. In my calculations, based on intense population studies and deep scientific research, Santa’s sack could hold up to $50 trillion US dollars worth of presents. As the lone responsible person for millions of gifts as well as delivering happiness on Christmas morning, it is only natural that we consider that he needs to protect himself and his load from all sorts of danger.
It may seem a bit foreign to picture Santa packing a firearm, after all he has rosy cheeks, wispy white beard and round stomach that jiggles hen he laughs. But the potential for threats starts at his home at the beautiful North Pole and spans the globe to sketchy cities and neighborhoods – like Detroit, for example. As such, Santa most likely has a secure container on his flying sleigh that holds a small arsenal to protect himself and his treasures.
Without the ability to interview the jolly old elf, I was forced to take a guess on what firearms Santa Clause favors. If you have any insight, or on the off chance that Father Christmas is a regular reader of TFB, let me know which guns need to be included on the list.
What Would Santa Carry?
For large dangerous game with quick reload capability, the Old Man packs a lever gun in .45-70.
Acquire and fire with a quick-pointing 181⁄2” barrel, and cycle rapidly through six rounds of 45-70 Gov’t. with the Big Loop Lever.
Loaded with hard cast lead rounds, Saint Nick might pick a Glock 40 MOS chambered in 10MM for both rural and urban protection.
The G40 Gen4 in the MOS Configuration is chambered in 10mm and combines a full 6-inch barrel for an improved velocity with a magazine capacity of 15 rounds. The G40 Gen4 in MOS configuration is a powerful yet easily carried pistol; perfect for the outdoorsperson, hunter and sport shooter. It is designed to give the handgun hunter the ultimate choice in semi-automatic gaming pistol and has proven to be more than capable of taking down game such as Whitetail Deer, Russian Boar and even Feral Hogs.
With roots in Europe, Santa probably prefers a refined autoloading rifle chambered in the hard hitting .308 Winchester cartridge.
The SIG SAPR (Semi-Automatic Precision Rifle) was first announced in 2004 by the Swiss-based branch of the international SIG-Sauer arms making company, and, apparently, entered initial production in Switzerland in 2009. Over the development years the SIG SAPR system evolved into two branches – one retained semi-automatic mode of fire and is intended for civilian and law enforcement markets; another is a select-fire battle / assault rifle, which is intended for Military and special Law Enforcement applications only. The SIG SG 751 SAPR rifles are based on the time-proven 5.56mm SIG SG 550 / Stgw.90 family of rifles, with major elements of the action necessarily enlarged and strengthened to handle bigger and more powerful 7.62 NATO / .308 Win ammunition. At the present time, SIG SG 751 SAPR rifles are offered in two military versions (SB – short-barreled and LB-Long Barreled). Civilian versions may have different barrel lengths (currently advertised civilian-legal versions have barrels 455 or 570 mm long) and, obviously, cannot fire in full automatic or burst modes. (Credit: ModernFirearms.net)
Not wanting to bother with pesky NFA wait times and filing yearly ATF 5320.20 Forms to cross state lines, Mr. Clause might choose the Remington TAC-14 in 12 Gauge. He’d probably want the Marine Magnum version to resist corrosion from all the harsh environments he visits.
Small in size but huge on home defense capability, the Model 870 Tac-14 delivers devastating, threat-stopping power to protect your home and family. Featuring legendary Model 870 reliability, a Raptor pistol grip and Magpul M- Lock forend, its powerful personal protection at its absolute shortest– and finest. The Model 870 Tac-14 Marine Magnum resists corrosion on land or water with its electroless nickel plating that covers all metal, including the inside of the barrel and receiver.
Moving on to accessories, Santa probably needs to invest in some high-quality night vision gear. After all, he travels at night and his home at the North Pole is shrouded in darkness half of the year.
Manufactured with high definition, aspherical telescopic lens technology, the DBAL-D2 features a 2° to 30° adjustable illumination beam. This highly collimated beam significantly enhances night vision performance and offers an eye-safe means of illuminating distances greater than 1000 m. Military and law enforcement models also features an enhanced end cap, taking full advantage of the added switching capabilities of the full powered D2.
PVS-14 Monocular with tube/system data sheet, Soft Carry Case, Hard Carry and Storage Case, Eyecup, Shuttered Eyeguard, Lens Cap, Neckcord, AA Batteries (2), LIF (for DOD Only), Operators Manual, Lens Paper, Compass Assembly, Headmount Assembly, Helmet Mount MICH (A3256368-2), Weapon Mount (A3256348), Carry Strap, Retaining Clip, Demist Shield, Sacrificial Window, and Glow Tape Squares Kit (3 ea with velcro backing).
As good as he is with iron sights, Santa Claus probably prefers a high quality optic that is effective for close engagements as well as longer range threats.
The NX8 1-8×24 F1 is a class leading, compact and lightweight riflescope optimized for short to mid-range shooting. At only 8.75“ in length and 17 ounces, this riflescope adds minimal size and weight but delivers superior optics and trusted Nightforce performance to any rifle.
While he definitely packs a small EDC light wherever he goes, he also needs a capable weaponlight with good throw and enough lumens for proper target identification.
The M612 Ultra Scout Light® is a lightweight, compact WeaponLight featuring an ultra-high-output LED that delivers 600 lumens of blinding white light. A proprietary TIR lens shapes the recoil-proof LED’s light into a beam with plenty of reach but enough surrounding light to accommodate peripheral vision, making the M612U ideal for close-to longer-range applications. The rugged M612U attaches quickly and securely to any MIL-STD-1913 rail via its integral low-profile RM45 mount, which positions the light in the offset position between the rails of a MIL-STD-1913 (Picatinny) forend, decreasing overall weapon profile and limiting potential snag factor. The light is activated via a waterproof DS07 switch assembly, which includes a click-on/off pushbutton switch, a system-disable feature, and an ST07 plug-in momentary-on remote switch with seven-inch cable. The integrated pushbutton and remote switch assemblies operate independently, providing switch redundancy. Constructed of lightweight aerospace aluminum, hard anodized with a Mil-Spec finish, and O-ring sealed to keep out the elements, the tough M612 Ultra thrives in combat-like conditions and provides a tactical advantage in low-light situations—without any sacrifice in weapon maneuverability.
Maybe next year we will take a stab at Santa Claus’ training regimen and shooting drills. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t appendix carry.