Florida Man Accused Of Shooting At Cows With AR-15

In a bizarre news story, WFTV reports that a man named Elvis was arrested by Flordia Highway Patrol for shooting at cows with an AR-15 on the Flordia Turnpike. If you pay attention to the news, there is no shortage of interesting and humorous “Florida Man” news stories, some of them far more bizarre than others.

Apparently, a 30 year old man named Elvis Antonio Artola was hanging out of the passenger side of a friend’s car and shooting a rifle from a highway near the Osceola Parkway. Troopers pulled him over and asked what happened, Elvis responded with “I don’t know.” He then proceeded to resist arrest.

Never change Flordia, never change. Sadly there was no mention or photo of the rifle released, but I fully expect it to have a cheap and terrible scope on top, plastic handguards, and at least two lasers. Or maybe one of those terrible scopes with a laser or two built in. I would be truly saddened if the rifle didn’t have some sort of bipod attached as well, preferably one that is also a forward grip.

You can read more about the story on the WFTV new site HERE or check out the Flordia man sub-Reddit HERE. It can and will provide minutes of entertainment.


  • BattleshipGrey

    Maybe the guy was just tired of all land mines the cows were dropping.

    • Major Tom

      Or he was crusading against global warming via eliminating cow farts!

      • Tinkerer

        Wait- farts produce global warming! ?
        Dammit, now I have to buy carbon credits!

    • Capn Jack

      Crazy, or just plain stupid…That video reminds me of of the people gathered around the Bomb Squad Guy”.

    • Tassiebush

      A childhood friend witnessed his brother doing this but it wasn’t a cowpat and it also didn’t end well.

  • pvw20

    How come it seems Darwin’s natural selection never made it to Floriduh?

  • noob

    Ah the sunshine laws – Being forced to publish everything to the police blotter is what pulls up the weird stuff that other people just never talk about.

    We ought to do that everywhere.

    • McThag

      Maybe we hear so much about Floridaman because he’s in the Sunshine State?

  • Richard

    As someone who lives in Florida, this isn’t that strange.

  • M-dasher

    Good ol’ Florida Man back at it again….

  • M

    Severe lack in judgment there. Cows are very expensive and belong to someone.

    • Moonman46

      but you can see them from the highway! they were so tempting!

    • Vizzini

      I’d be white-hot with rage if someone shot one of my cows.

    • CountryBoy

      He must’ve had a beef with them.

  • Geoff Timm

    Let me guess a Sierra Club Activist trying to save the planet from Bovine Emmissions! Geoff Who notes feeding the cows onions is now recommended. Who wonders if this critter was trying to get arrested?

    • TheNotoriousIUD

      Jesus, how old are you? 8 or 80?
      If you had thrown in something about Jimmy Carter you would have hit the crazy old man trifecta.

      • Phillip Cooper

        Nah, continuing use of the “Geoff Who” bit (complete with lack of punctuation and capitalization of the second word) fulfills that.

        • TheNotoriousIUD

          “…continuing use of the “Geoff Who” bit …”

          Am I too young to know what thats all about?
          I thought he was having a stroke.

          • Phillip Cooper

            I must be, as well.

          • Andrew Dubya

            I think it`s autocorrect hitting a misspelled “Guess” and he doesn`t notice.

  • Geoff Timm

    Unfortunately Florida is being invaded by Democrat-Communists from “up nawth” who flee the high taxes…and then vote for Democrat-Communists who will RAISE TAXES! Geoff Who was given a choice, move the Florida and keep your soft cushy job or find real work, now residing on the First Coast…

    • A.WChuck

      Sing it brother! I want a bumper sticker that says “Leave your North East BS in the North East”

    • TheNotoriousIUD

      Right, if only the Floridians could be left to their own devices im sure we’d get nothing but rocket trajectories and artificial organs. So far the most impressive invention to come out of your state is the frozen margarita machine.

      • n0truscotsman

        I was thinking nuclear fusion…

    • FlaBoy

      We’re in north Florida and we are having the same problem. Those darn transplanted Yankees are fleeing South Florida and moving up here, driving up land prices and increasing crowding. They bring their intolerant attitudes with them, filing noise complaints about shooting, complaining about agricultural dust, smells and noises, etc. They complain about lack of shopping and commercial entertainment opportunities, while being surrounded by our vast outdoor entertainment opportunities. Then they do their best to turn our area in the very thing they left behind – an over crowded, congested mess! You can always tell the new transplants at the local post office: they are the ones who will not look you in the eye and walk by you failing to say “hello”. Too many of them have a “big city” attitude about guns and shooting.

      • Dougscamo

        Sounds like Colorado….via California….

        • Major Tom

          Can confirm. Even though I came to Colorado from California. (When I was 7…my dad was born here though.)

          • Dougscamo

            I think those 2 factors would qualify you for a native….

      • Nashvone

        I would recommend that the north Floridians move to south Georgia but Atlanta has already ruined that state as well.

      • Tassiebush

        You could be talking about mainlanders moving down here to Tasmania. I’m sure a whole bunch of people from different places would identify with the experience you just described.

        • Dougscamo

          Yep….don’t you just hate it when city folk invade the country and screw things up for us good ole boys?…..

          • Tassiebush

            I do! I really sincerely do!

  • Ambassador Vader

    “The Adventures of Florida Man” Sponsored by UTG.

    • Beachhawk

      Yeah, he just didn’t know the difference between deer and cows.

  • Jeff

    “Sadly there was no mention or photo of the rifle released…”

    Go read the linked article: “Troopers said they found a black Bushmaster rifle…”

    • Patrick R. – Senior Writer

      You mean the vague mention? “black Bushmaster rifle” isn’t exactly narrowing anything down for me.

  • A.WChuck

    Shooting at cows, or practicing a mass shooting? Being the suspicious type that I am, I vote for the latter.

  • Ark

    Oh, George. Not the livestock!

    • TheNotoriousIUD

      Came for this-Leaving satisfied.

    • Jeremy Nettles

      Cows—I hate cows more than coppers!

  • GhostTrain81

    The Bovine Liberation Front (BLF) and the Ungulates Workers party (UWP) will issue a joint statement during a press conference today at noon.

  • Phillip Cooper

    Where the hell is “Flordia”?

  • Anonymoose
  • Muricaaaa

    Pew Pew Pew , Freedom ~

  • McThag

    Always remember. Floridaman is not the hero Florida needs. Floridaman is the hero Florida deserves.

    Contemplate what Florida must have done to deserve Floridaman.

    • Ranger Rick

      Welcome Robert Matthew Van Winkle aka “Vanilla Ice” with open arms.

      For which Texas will be forever grateful.

  • Disarmed in CA

    Florida Man! Why you so crazy?!

  • Bierstadt54

    The evolution of “Florida Man,” known elsewhere as “Village Idiot,” continues to baffle scientists. The species appear to be able to defy expected Darwinian negative population growth via high levels of breeding.

    Not being from Florida I am uncertain what species Florida Man is breeding with. Around here it would be “Trailer Woman,” and about 50 miles away a county-specific sub-species known as “Sister-Wife.”

    • Tinkerer

      Well, I wouldn’t disregard the female alligators for certain, ahem… “practices”…

    • Alex Yamach

      “Not being from Florida I am uncertain what species Florida Man is breeding with”.

      The majority are originally from the Rust Belt, New York/New Jersey, West Virginia, and Pennsylvania.

      So, in other words, please TAKE THEM BACK to your neighborhood.

  • Mrninjatoes

    Great way to get shot in the West.

  • .45

    Shooting at some farmer’s livestock for kicks isn’t that unusual. I know a midwest farmer who has had a couple of cows shot dead by persons unknown, but he owns property out in the boonies half covered and surrounded by trees. Out on a highway in plain view? Sounds like a case of stupid to me.

  • TorkMag

    Now this is just an unfair representation of Florida! Most of us doing this kind of thing are too smart to get caught.

  • datimes

    The local radio station here in Ft Myers had a daily morning segment called FloriDUH! Stupid human and crime stories that did not omit women either.

  • Gary Kirk

    Maybe he had made “AT” cow disease…

  • HealthyCuriosity


  • Martin Grønsdal

    But they looked so small from the car….

  • n0truscotsman

    Im hardly impartial to stories like this, being a owner of cattle.

    Go straight to prison, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

  • Jake

    I am really sad at the deterioration in the quality of reader here. Isn’t anyone going to take issue with the fact that he didn’t hit a single one?
    What is this blog coming to?
    We should be discussing the fact that no mention is made (here at least) of the man’s monumental lack of accuracy. Maybe he hates fields and was aiming at the field through the cows legs? Yeah. I am going with that.
    Have a great weekend. ?

  • Andy Wolf

    Another report: “Troopers said they found a black Bushmaster rifle, fully loaded, in the trunk of the vehicle.”

    Nuff said.

  • OldGringo

    I am a retired prosecutor and cop from Oklahoma. About 15 years ago we had case where a farmer caught a fellow butchering a calf he had shot on the farmer’s property. As he encountered the bad guy, it was necessary to shoot and kill the calf thief, who of course was armed. For some reason, the DA in that county actually filed criminal charges against the farmer. He was not guilty of course, and I recall the judge telling me, something like, “well sometimes people just need to be shot.” Seems to me that rambo down there in Florida needs some serious jail time. Don’ need those jerks give gun folks a bad reputation.

    • Cottersay

      Well said!

    • Alex Yamach

      Oh, I LIKE your judge!

      Back in the 2010-11 timeframe, there was a string of incidents in South Florida where some very fine horses were butchered right on the owners’ properties. Property owners ended up sitting up at night armed to the teeth to watch over their horses, but the slaughter continued. The news of the horse killing actually reached the national news at one point.

      Eventually, the perps were caught – fine, upstanding immigrants from nearby island countries where horse meat is considered a fine delicacy….

  • Larry

    There are laws in place that make this activity illegal regardless of what kind of firearm was used. This shouldn’t be about the firearm, it’s about the illegal activity carried out by individual(s). If someone uses a hammer to commit a crime don’t blame the hammer.

  • RPK

    Idiots like this make a bad name for law abiding firearms owners. He obviously has no respect for the rights of others or animals.

  • Alex Yamach

    “Never change Flordia, never change”.
    Well, “Patrick R”, lemmee set you straight:

    1) It’s spelled FLORIDA, NOT “Flordia”.

    2) Ever seen all of the azzklown stories about crime and idiotic stuff like this? The overwhelming amount of the perps are from anywhere BUT Florida, like this Hispanic fellow.

    We’d appreciate it, America, if you take all of your dirtbags back, so we can enjoy Florida again!

  • Archie Montgomery

    That is goofy. Everybody knows .223 Rem/5.56 NATO is too small for cattle.

    [Redd Foxx voice]Use enough gun, dummy![/Redd Foxx voice]