TSA’s Weirdest Finds Of 2016

If you have done any amount of flying, it is no secret that people are stupid. Like, really stupid. Passing through a TSA checkpoint enrages me to the point that I appear to be smuggling a sub sandwich in my forehead. In reality, it is nothing more than a large vein pulsating in anger.

Some of the things that TSA told moronic passengers that they wouldn’t be able to carry on a plane are downright incredible. From a trailer hitch that has a deactivated grenade welded to it all the way to a Hello Kitty Bodyguard .380. There was even a traveler that felt they needed to carry on a movie prop that resembles a zombie.

What the shit America? What is wrong with you? Stop it.


  • 22winmag

    Lame. Pretty much all of these items would have made on the plane in checked baggage.

    • Mad Marsupial

      Which is why I’m constantly surprised at the stupidity and annoyed at the delays caused by my fellow passengers when I’m at an airport.

      Or maybe I fly too much and I’m always prepared for security theatre…

  • guest

    Totally unrelated…. I never like “painted” guns, painted in any way… but deep inside me is an evil alter-ego saying “paint your Glock bluegun-blue”

  • codfilet

    In the meantime, keep patting down all the 90 year old ladies in wheelchairs, TSA.

  • datimes

    I believe that Hello Kitty hand gun was taken from John Kerry. As a man of superlative taste he would have a firearm to match his bicycle.

  • M C

    “Passing through a TSA checkpoint enrages me to the point that I appear to be smuggling a sub sandwich in my forehead.”

    In my experience TSA agents treat you much more favourably if you put the sub down the front of your trousers.

  • SPQR9

    The only thing that enrages me as much as going through TSA, is watching TSA preen falsely about how effective they are.

  • Vhyrus

    So… what exactly is stupid about obviously fake and inert grenades? Other than the people who freak out over them as if they were real, of course.

    • Anomanom

      Because you can’t take a grenade, or anything that looks like a grenade, on the airplane.

      • Wow!

        A terrorist isn’t going to bring a grenade looking grenade. He is going to bring a non-grenade looking grenade. The whole concept of TSA is completely silly. I stopped flying once they started their BS. At a certain point, if you are the kind of guy who flys a lot (I’m don’t, but a relative who owns a small series of corporations does) it is actually cheaper to buy your own jet than to deal with the possible delays, hassle, and flight cancelations which may cost your business more in the long run due to domino effect.

  • Swarf

    “If you have done any amount of flying, it is no secret that people are stupid. Like, really stupid.”

    But enough about the TSA, let’s talk about airline passengers.

    • BudHall

      Scarf; You beat me to it!! Some of the things TSA bans at the gate show that “Not only don’t they know, they don’t even suspect!!” Their motto must be, “Let’s err on the side of stupid!!”

  • Richard

    Last time I was flying there was an old woman from India that kept setting off the scanner, and then laughing. Every. Single. Time. She had on what I was assuming was some traditional Indian clothing with an absolute butt ton of gold jewelry crap, and her and the TSA kept discovering more of it under her fat rolls.

  • Swarf

    The only thing George W Bush ever said as President that I agreed with was that creating a massive new government bureaucracy and airport security apparatus in response to 9/11 was not the right answer.

    He was absolutely right, but then he changed his mind. Presumably after Cheney had a little business interest related chat with him.

    The TSA is the Republican version of the WPA, except that unlike the WPA, the TSA doesn’t do anything worthwhile. Nothing.

    • valorius

      Then he went and signed it into law anyway.

      • Swarf

        That’s the kind of guy he is. Principles first. Stand up for your party’s core beliefs in the face of evil.

  • Swarf

    That was about as funny as I’d expect the TSA to be.

  • .45

    And while we’re whining, on that topic, why does it take everyone 15+ minutes to grab a freaking carry on and get off the @#%!$&! plane?

    • Swarf

      Because of the 4 selfish dipwads who think they are going to outsmart everyone else by putting their bag at the front of the plane just in case there isnt room over their actual seat in the middle or rear of the plane, which then jacks up the folks at the front of the plane who have to find somewhere to put their bags besides over their seats and on down the line and then the whole process has to try and unscrew itself at the end of the flight all because a few people thought they were too good to just follow the rules.

      Got it?

      • .45

        Come to think of it, I am always one of the last to board a plane, so I never get to see what people do when they start boarding an empty plane. (And why don’t they put the people in back on first so the… Never mind, I just answered my own question by envisioning all the people trying to park it in front in the hopes that they won’t be forced to move.)

  • At a local gift shop, my wife recently bought a $5 bag of ten pocket knives of assorted shapes and sizes which had been confiscated by TSA and sold to dealers in lots of one thousand.

    • LetsTryLibertyAgain

      Soon after The Stupid Agency went into effect, I thought about a business that had kiosks at all major airports. Buy TSA confiscated knives by the pallet and sell them to people who had arrived at their destination deprived of their property and in need of a good used pocket knife. It’s a good business idea that I could never implement because it’s predicated on tyranny. We should never accommodate tyranny. It’s our duty to oppose tyranny.

      • iksnilol

        Well, then you’re conflicting with capitalism. Gotta hustle to make that money, if that means “accomodating” tyranny (more like taking advantage of it) then so be it.

        Good god, y’all like to complain about commies but are more commies at heart than us from Eastern Europe.

      • Sunshine_Shooter

        You can make a profit off a system you detest and be ethical, just support the system’s downfall. It provides you an income and displaces some jack-wagon that promotes tyranny.

      • Norm Glitz

        There used to be an ebay vendor who sold stuff “surrendered” to TSA. In plain English, it means confiscated. Some of the stuff sold was pretty outlandish, huge knives & tools that would have been fine in checked baggage. Haven’t seen him lately.

  • .45

    I’d also like to point out that I know people that have absentmindly gotten knives through TSA security without realizing it until AFTER they have finished their flight. Security theater at its finest.

    • Leonardo Padrino

      This actually happened to me, I brought my CRKT Ritter on board by mistake. Noticed it in my bag at the end of the flight.

    • Cymond

      I accidentally took a Swiss Tech Utili-key through.
      My brother took firecrackers and a Bic lighter.

    • David Harmon

      Pocket knives are legal to carry on board, so I don’t see the problem.

    • Wow!

      Not just knives, full blown handguns. The thing is, no security check point can be sure unless they do full blown cavity checks and X ray scans which even border checkpoints combat zones aren’t capable of doing, much less a domestic high volume business like an airport. The only way to fix it is just let conceal carry be a thing on airplanes. Just like in any other public space, people are responsible for their own defense.

  • ozzallos .

    Those article tags… They’re so… The tags…

  • DIR911911 .

    so why aren’t the people that complained so much about the “nintendo glock” out picketing gun stores that sell hello kitty guns?

    • Wow!

      They have, and like the glock, failed to get a following. Which is why they have to resort to ramming in legislation vs actually getting people motivated in their lobbys.

  • valorius

    There are no words to describe how much i hate flying post 9-11-2001.

  • valorius

    I’d rather be on a plane where EVERYONE had a gun than one where no one has a gun. But that’s me.

    • Wow!

      Same here. I rather not rely on a food cart and yell “lets roll” as my defense (although you got to admit that was badass AF 07 ) when I could have the same defense in the air that I carry on my hip on the ground.

  • oldman

    To fill the need for people the requirements for the TSA were basically a warm body that had the correct number of limbs and digits and could stand on their feet for 4 hours oh and basic reading and writing skill 8th grade level. It was easer getting hired by TSA then getting drafted in the 60s.

  • Mike Lashewitz

    Exceedingly lame.

  • Anomanom

    I was watching Die Hard the other day (favorite xmas movie), and i was just looking at the beginning like ” Wow, this movie is old, a guy carrying a gun on an airplane!”

  • LetsTryLibertyAgain

    I’m boycotting the TSA. I won’t fly commercially, because I cannot willingly subject myself to tyranny. The TSA is the comic security theater version of every movie stereotype of travel in Nazi Germany or the Cold War era Soviet Union. “Your papers are not in order!” The TSA is the kinder, gentler kiddie fondling pedophile version of travel tyranny.

    I have a pilot’s license and I owned a private plane, but the TSA and their parent agency, the Department of Homeland Security (think “Gestapo”) took all of the fun out of that, too.

    We lost a lot with 9/11. From my perspective, the terrorists won, and by terrorists, I mean the government alphabet agencies.

  • Bob

    if it is in the Continental United States, I DRIVE!!

  • rick0857

    The “Terminally Stupid Azzholes Agency” was created to make liberals and small minded fools feel safe. It is an agency comprised of the STUPIDEST people in America who can NOT find ANY kind of employment anywhere else in the country. The vast majority of which couldn’t even cut it as third rate burger flippers!

  • David Sharpe

    I actually buy (And sometimes sell) items confiscated at my cities airport. You’d be surprised at the stuff people try to bring on planes, and what ISN’T allowed on flights.